Design Through the Ages

This month, my highly subjective list of dos and don’ts for decorating within your peer group is dedicated to AARP members

IN YOUR 50s
Thank heavens those annoying children are gone. Convert their bedrooms post haste so home doesn’t look like a long-term option for them. You need a study, and maybe a sewing room, too. • Frame some botanical prints with no mats, simply suspended in glass; old maps, vintage seed packets or even menus work, too. • You are officially grown up. You can now relax and hire a decorator. • Because you are officially grown up, you can fire your decorator and do it yourself. • Start pulling pages from magazines and envision what you want. Ransack your closet to see what colors you really like; if you find all neutrals, it’s a cry for help—and your shrink is not really the one to ask about paint chips. Re-hire a decorator, ASAP!

IN YOUR 60s
Wow, time flies. And it isn’t kind to your furniture or your carpets. Take a cold, hard look at your home. Now that you have put on your glasses, you can see what I am talking about. You need to consider reupholstering everything in sight. Calm yourself with some klonopin; there are many discount fabric stores in your own back yard and online. Get cracking. • That yard you have been mowing (and not reseeding) is thick with weeds and there is not a landscaper in the metro area who considers giant plots of pine straw an “aesthetic choice.” Start thinking about monkey grass and privet hedges—and  some outdoor urns and planters—to create a garden. • You deserve some nice furniture too, so wake up! There are serious antiques to be found in Buckhead. There are also retail stores out there that are not mass-market. Buy Oushak rugs, mohair sofas and Biedermeier furniture. This is the dessert portion of your life meal.

IN YOUR 70s
Sell everything you can, or give it to your kids. • Have a garage sale and part with everything that doesn’t move you to tears at the thought of its loss. • Move somewhere that you’ve always wanted to live and seriously think about downsizing; there are grown children out there looking for a place to hunker down after divorces…break-ups…job losses. • Think of yourself above all others and get your creative juices flowing. You have kept the good things, so completely redesign your life.

IN YOUR 80s
This is the time to do exactly what you damn well want. • Attribute your craving for luxury bedding—from the likes of Frette, Anichini and Leontine Linens—to the fear of bed sores. • Always look confused, but carry your credit card secreted on your person for breakaway jaunts to Neiman Marcus. • Go all Driving Miss Daisy on pesky relatives; buy yourself your dream car but insist on driving it to ADAC. Often. • Treat yourself to flowers all the time. Order them from Boxwoods or just scoop them up at Kroger. If anyone complains about the expense (you know who I mean—blood kin with their eyes on their inheritance) look mournful and say you can appreciate them better this side of the grave. That will shut them up.