Design Through the Ages

Dressing your age is one thing, but decorating within your peer group is another. Here’s my highly subjective list of dos and don’ts.

IN YOUR 20s
Throw out all the dorm room junk and this includes all posters; your new colleagues at work don’t care if you love Pfish. • High tail it over to IKEA, West Elm and all of the thousand Pottery Barns to buy a real sofa. Aero beds are not an option. • Try to buy some real art from your friends; they will soon have to get paying jobs. • Your bathroom deserves some TLC; buy decent towels and sundries at Walmart. Yes, Walmart. • When in doubt, buy a bunch of cheap palm trees and go for a jungle motif.

IN YOUR 30s
That aforementioned real sofa needs to be cleaned or slipcovered. Why did you buy a dog when you are still eating Grape Nuts for dinner? • Get yourself a rug—a nice one. Look on eBay and Craig’s List and then, after you have that rug, paint one wall or an entire room a devastating color. • Take that color and get coordinating candles, pillows and accent pieces to create a design statement. • Now go back on eBay and Craig’s List and get that bedroom on track. You can get a 1950s or ‘60s bedroom suite (I know, the word “suite” sets our collective teeth a-clenching) and paint it all a glossy, fun color. Look for bedding to match at Bed, Bath & Beyond or Anthropologie. Get in your overpriced car and drive. • Try watering your plants; your home is like the Mojave Desert. While you are at it, add some architectural touches—moulding and maybe wainscoting—if you have made the leap to being a homeowner. • If you have started a family, do not go overboard on fancy baby furniture. Remember, these infants will soon be obnoxious teens so plan accordingly. A Moses basket, however, is not suitable for a 5-year-old.

IN YOUR 40s
Remember those people you spent way too much time with as a child? Yep, that’s them. Parents. They should be downsizing about now, so grab any antiques they have before they find a place for them in their new condo. • While you are over there getting furniture, lay your hands on some china and silver. You foolishly registered for wedding gifts at Crate & Barrel so you need silver. • Time to renovate. The economy is in crisis and there are former Vanderbilt philosophy professors who can talk about existentialism and do a decent job on granite counters. While renovating, avoid anything trendy; you will have to sell this house if those kids don’t smarten up and get some scholarship money. Go for white baths and neutral kitchens. You may love that glittery mosaic tile but your buyer will not. • Are those children still lurking about? Get them motivated to paint their rooms and give them a small allowance for frames, bedding and side tables. We want them to stay home, away from the evil influence of their peers. Given their splashy new digs, their friends will hang out at your house but don’t worry, you can handle a teen with a day-old tongue piercing.
Next month, tips for decorating in your 50s, 60s, 70s and 80s.­